The Family of Bats Drabbles
by RobinLover4Ever
Summary: This is a collection of drabbles about the Batfamily! Warnings will be in the top of each chapter (if there are any.)
1. How to Care for Your Human

Care for Your Human

"Hello, my friends, League of Justice, and Justice of Young!" Starfire yelled loudly as she came in for the party in the Watch Tower.

"Hey, Starfire!" Supergirl smiled.

"Ohhh! I'm so excited!" Starfire hugged Supergirl.

"Tight… hug!" Supergirl gasped.

"Oh! Many of the sorries!" Starfire put her down.

"Why are you so excited?" Black Canary asked.

"I have made a movie for all of you to enjoy!" Starfire yelled so that everyone heard her.

"A…movie?" Martian ManHunter asked.

"Yes. I have made a movie for all of you!" Starfire smiled.

"Okay. Do you want to watch it?" Flash asked.

"Oh! Yes!" Starfire laughed, twirling around in the air.

She then came down and gave the CD to Flash, who put it into the CD player.

Everyone turned their attention to the large halo screen that popped up.

Flash pressed the play button.

Up came an image of Starfire, floating in the air.

"Hello to future people watching! Today I would like to show you all how to care for the humans! First, you need to get a human to do the experiments on!" Starfire smiled brightly.

She went off the screen and when she came back, she was holding a curled up Dick Grayson.

"This is the human of my choice. His name is Dick Grayson and this one is of the male specimen." Starfire explained.

"Hi?" Richard looked at Starfire then the camera in confusion.

Starfire put him down, then went back up to the camera.

"As you can see, this human is tiny and fragile. So, like all other humans, we have to be extra careful not to hurt them! That mean we have to hold back our strength and speed. I shall explain." Starfire brought the camera down and put it on a tripod. She then went back to where Dick was standing.

"One, our strength. See as I hug him with some more than human strength." Starfire hugged Dick tightly.

"Hurts! Can't…breathe!" Richard gasped, trying to get away.

"As you can see, it hurts them. So, you must control your strength so that you can properly hug without hurting. See?" Starfire gave a gentle hug of which Dick hugged her back.

"One question." Richard said.

"Yes, my Dick?" Starfire asked.

"Why are you doing this?" Dick asked.

"Oh my little Dick, it is fine. Go back to what you were doing!" Starfire patted his head a few times.

Richard just shrugged before leaving.

"Next, we shall discuss speed. If you are too fast around your human, you may get them sick. They cannot keep up with us. I shall not be demonstrating this because Dickie will get sick." Starfire said.

"Now, we shall discuss what a human needs. A human needs food, water, warmth, comfort, sleep, and entertainment." Starfire said.

"As you can see, humans like food, therefore, you should always make sure that they have a supply that they can access at all times. This human loves what humans call 'cereal'. So, there is always cereal in the dwelling that they live in." Starfire said, taking the camera to show Dick pouring a bowl of cereal.

"What?" Richard asked, spoon in his mouth, bowl on the kitchen island.

"Nothing, my little one." Starfire patted his head.

"Now, humans need to be fed three times a day. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner." Starfire added.

"Next on our list is water. Human need to drink plenty of water. This water needs to be able to be accessed at any time and it needs to be clean and free of parasites and anything else that can harm them." Starfire said, getting a cup of water and placing it by Dick.

"Now, your need to make sure that your human has access to warmth. If they get too cold, they will get sick, but if they get too hot, they smell funny and make water through their skin." Starfire said.

"It's called sweat, Star. And that happens when we get too hot or do exercise." Richard said.

"Yes, if they get too hot, they do the sweat." Starfire nodded.

"Next, they need comfort. Every human has insecurities that they need to be reassured about. In order to administer comfort, you must find out what comforts your human. For my human, he needs to be held, wrapped in soft, fluffy blankets and told that he's a good human. Now, some humans may cry, do not be alarmed! You need to hold them tighter and make sure that they know that they're loved." Starfire scooped Dick up and held him close, patting his head, and saying sweet things to him.

Richard started blushing with all the attention and then hid his face in her neck.

"Our next need is sleep. Humans need to sleep at least one hour. Some humans can function on one hour of sleep and others need up to 12 hours of sleep. That is okay though. You need to make sure they have a comfortable place to sleep such as a bed or couch. Then, they need pillows and blankets." Starfire put Dick back on the couch and gathered a blanket and pillow to show to everyone.

"Depending on the preference of your human, they will like either a hard, soft, super-soft, or medium pillow. Some humans like fluffy blankets, and others don't. That's okay too! Just make sure that they have what they prefer and a nice place to sleep. Do not put them in the corner to sleep. Humans do not like that, nor the ground to sleep on." Starfire explained.

"And finally, the humans need entertainment. This comes in several forms. CD's, TV, Computers, Movies, and Carnivals are just a few of the many entertainments on Earth!" Starfire smiled brightly.

"If they do not have the entertainment, they will get bored and destroy things." Starfire said.

"We don't mean to destroy things. We just get bored and try to have fun and then things get broken in the process. _Accidentally_!" Richard stressed.

"That is what humans need, now what you need as a caretaker of a human is the ability to defend them. Humans are like any other race, they pair off and create babies. However, some people who aren't in a pair or are in an unhappy pair will try to steal your human. It doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, you need to be prepared to defend your human. First, you clearly state that this is your human. Then, if anyone tries to take your human, you must fight them. You fight to keep your human! NO ONE WILL TAKE MY HUMAN!" Starfire screamed at the end, hands and eyes going green with her energy.

"Star…please calm down." Dick said.

"I'm showing them how to respond if someone tries to take their human. If someone would try to take you, I'd kill them." Starfire stated.

"You can't kill here! You get into trouble for that." Richard stated.

"We'll talk about that later. ANYWAYS! Those are the basic needs of humans. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask." Starfire nodded.

The movie stopped.

No one spoke.

Then, a few people burst out laughing.

"That was. Oh my gosh! Starfire, that was gold!" Flash laughed, hitting her on the back.

"Thank you!" Starfire smiled.

Nightwing just hid, embarrassed, by the food table.


	2. Hobbies

Hobbies

Richard sighed as he looked back down at his broken leg.

He needed to do something!

But what?

"Perhaps you should get a hobby, Master Richard." Alfred suggested.

Dick looked startled.

Did he say that out loud?

"Yes, you did, Master Richard." Alfred said, pouring him a glass of tea.

"What kind of hobby though?" Dick asked.

"Alfred, I think I messed up." Richard held up a pair on knitting needles and a bunch of tangled up yarn.

"How did you- you know what, I don't want to know." Alfred took the yarn.

They both decided that knitting wasn't for Richard.

"OH MY GOSH! GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!" Richard screamed.

Alfred did and soon the fire was out.

"How did you catch a sewing machine on fire?" Alfred asked in much disbelief.

"I don't know. Oh look! The spool of thread survived!" Richard smiled, holding up an untouched spool of neon green thread.

Alfred knew he shouldn't have let Dick keep that.

But he didn't care at the moment.

"Alfred, look at my new hobby! Drawing!" Richard smiled proudly, handing Alfred a paper.

Alfred looked at it before smiling, "It's great, Master Richard!"

Damian however came in and took the paper.

"What is this?" Damian asked.

"A tree!" Dick smiled widely.

"Grayson, this is a brown line with green circles around it." Damian said.

"Yes! A tree!" Dick smiled and nodded.

"…Is that a smiley face on the stick?" Damian asked.

"Yep!" Richard laughed and clapped his hands.

Needless to say, he was not going to be an artist.

"How about this?" Dick handed Alfred a camera.

Alfred looked through all the pictures.

All of them were blurry but had some interesting colors in them.

"Uhm…you should keep trying." Alfred said, handing the camera back to Richard.

Richard came to Alfred yet again, holding out a needle, embroidery floss, and cross stitch fabric.

The needle and thread was in a big bunch.

"I don't get it." Richard said before he left the room on his crutches.

"What are you doing?" Alfred asked, looking at the dirt on the floor.

"Gardening!" Richard smiled brightly while watering the plants.

To be fair, no one told him he didn't need to water the plants every hour.

He killed 5 plants in 12 hours.

Richard sniffled as he finished burring his 5 plants.

"I didn't mean to!" Dick cried again.

"We know." Bruce put a hand on his shoulder. "No one blames you."

"But I killed them!" Richard cried.

"Hey, look at it this way, they don't have to deal with being eaten by any of Damian's pets." Tim said.

Richard burst out crying again, "But I killed Louis, Kevin, Sesame, Rave, and Sleek!"

"Oh my gosh- he named them." Bruce said.

"Nope. Not dealing with his crying. Hey, Dickhead! Here, it's called scrapbooking. Figure it out!" Jason pushed a scrapbook into Dick's arms.

"W-W-Why do you h-h-have a s-s-scrapb-book?" Dick sniffled.

"Stephanie gave it to me as a gag gift." Jason said.

"B-But it's y-yours." Richard said, trying to hand the scrapbook back.

"NO! It's yours now!" Jason refused to have the monstrosity back.

Richard nodded and held the scrapbook close.

"Guys! Guys! Guys! Do you like this?" Dick came in smiling like his old self again.

He plopped the scrapbook onto the table so everyone could see.

There were a few pictures on the page along with neatly placed trim and glittered dolphins.

All in all, it was very pretty.

"Of course, his best hobby would be scrapbooking!" Jason laughed loudly.

"Isn't that the gag gift I gave you?" Steph asked.

"He needed it more than I did!" Jason said.

Everyone was just glad that Dick was smiling again.

And if anyone noticed that no plants were in the Wayne Manor anymore, they never asked Alfred.


	3. Crime

**Crime**

 **WARNING: Crack-ish (just a bit)**

"Yesterday we got a call about a robbery. Today we finished analyzing the video. We are looking for two people. One female and the other male. The female has black hair and blue eyes. The male has red hair and green eyes." Chief Addad said, pointing to two shots of the people looking up, not necessarily at the camera.

"What the fuck?" Richard Grayson, newest recruit of Bludhaven Police Department, exclaimed.

"Rookie!" Amy Rohrbach, his superior, scolded.

"One moment." Dick took out his phone and dialed a number.

Whoever it was picked up.

"Wally, why the fuck are you on the wanted list in Bludhaven?" Richard asked.

"Dude. What?" Wally asked.

"I come into work and find a video of you stealing from a gas station." Dick said.

"Dude. I can explain. Somewhat." Wally said.

"I'm waiting." Richard said with narrowed eyes, tapping his foot.

"I'm pretty sure it had something to do with drugs." Wally said.

"What are you doing with drugs? Who's the girl you were with?" Dick questioned.

"She drugged me. And I'm not sure." Wally explained.

"She drugged you? WHO is she?" Richard exclaimed.

"I don't know!" Wally yelled.

"Find out! Anything you remember about her or anything about yesterday?" Dick asked.

"Yeah. Something about donuts. And I think we might have robbed more places." Wally said, uncertainty in the last part.

Richard sighed, "Get over here and we'll figure this out, okay?"

"We?" Wally asked.

"It's a police investigation. Police and I will help you figure out what happened." Dick said.

Wally sighed, "Okay."

Richard shook his head and rolled his eyes.


End file.
